At the age of 47, Leigh Anne was determined and hopeful about changing old thinking patterns and behaviors to focus on what truly mattered to her. Leigh Anne is a program facilitator for a school district and a teacher by trade. Leigh Anne, a lifelong Kaiser Permanente member, began her journey with Kaiser Permanente’s Center for Healthy Living in San Bernardino County by participating in the Healthy Balance program to manage her weight. The program was just the beginning of exploring the underlying stress she was experiencing.
Leigh Anne noticed that many of the questions she asked in the workshop sessions were related to stress. It wasn’t until she started working with her coach in the Wellness Coaching by Phone program that it became more apparent that the stress she felt was doing more than interfering with her weight loss. It was distancing her from the people that brought her joy. Leigh Anne realized she carried a lot of stress caused by her work. She shared, “I not only run the learning center. I’m an admin when the principal is not there. I’m a testing coordinator, so there’s a lot on my plate.”
She acknowledged a shift in her temper and energy. “When I’d come home, I was exhausted. I wasn’t always in a good mood. I was starting to get depressed. I didn’t really want to do anything, even on the weekends. I just wanted to stay home and rest.”
While growing up, she was taught to “just deal with it” when she felt stress. Into adulthood Leigh Anne’s core beliefs were to focus on her career, financially support herself, prepare for retirement, and not rely on anyone. She recalled, “It was just work, work, work. While [my parents] were not saying it… it was in my head to achieve that. I had to work. I wasn’t going to ask anyone for help because I can support myself.”
As a result of her coaching sessions and attending a Stress and Emotional Health workshop from the Center for Healthy Living, Leigh Anne realized that to alleviate the stress she felt, she had to focus on areas of her life that she had control over.
“I learned that if I was going to cut out something, it needed to be more work-related stuff instead of taking it out on my family and friends.” Leigh Anne started to work on changing her mindset and practiced reframing. “From the classes I learned [to not] look at the big picture. Break it down. I did this part of the task; I should feel proud of myself. I accomplished something. So, I started to think of it in that way and I noticed that started to help with my stress level.
“From the classes I learned [to not] look at the big picture. Break it down. I did this part of the task; I should feel proud of myself. I accomplished something. So, I started to think of it in that way and I noticed that started to help with my stress level.”
She noticed she was in a better mood at home and work. As soon as Leigh Anne caught herself having a negative thought, she quickly pointed out something positive she did, such as completing a different task, seeing a child happy as a result of a collaboration, or recognizing that the group she was working with learned something new.
“I’m trying to think more of the positive than the negative, even though I do still dwell on the negative. But not as much!” Without even knowing it, Leigh Anne was forming new cognitive pathways. She began practicing self-praise. She recalls her coach mentioning the positive self-talk in their conversations, saying “I hear your little praises like, ‘Oh, I got this.’ Your tone is much happier. That’s what I’m trying to work on.”
She slowly noticed the healthy self-talk, and with practice it became more natural for her. She pointed out it took effort. Words of praise for Leigh Anne were phrases such as, “We got this done. There’s always next week. I didn’t get to it, but I have next week. It’s still gonna be there. Not a big deal.”
Leigh Anne started to work on boundaries. “I’m one who everyone runs to, and I try to solve everyone’s problem. They know they can count on me.” While she understood some tasks were part of her job, she also knew that having more balance was important. If she was asked to stay after work hours, she began to feel more comfortable speaking up for herself. She found herself responding by saying “No, I’m sorry. I already did two meetings after school.” While setting boundaries was not easy, it was giving her an opportunity to spend time with her family and friends.
She also started to delegate small tasks to her colleagues. To her surprise they were happy to help her. “That helped a lot, but again it took me awhile to get to that because I’m used to doing everything on my own.”
Leigh Anne intentionally searched for things that made her happy while at work. She began to mentor another teacher, and she enjoyed it. “I’m finding the things at work that I’m enjoying instead of it just being a regular task, an everyday task. So, I don’t know if I’m changing my mind with that or just that I’m actually enjoying it,” she stated while laughing.
When asked if she had any words of wisdom to share with future generations, Leigh Anne offered, “You need to balance. That’s what I’m trying to do. I just learned it at an older age. Don’t give up the fun. Don’t give up going out with your friends and family. Don’t work too much that you lose that other part of yourself.”
Leigh Anne’s story is a reminder that change doesn’t happen overnight. It’s never perfect, and having a support system from a network of people and resources is key to maintaining new habits.
For information, programs, and tools that can help you manage stress, visit the Mental Health and Wellness page on the Center for Healthy Living website.
*Photos show models, not actual program participants.
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